During the day, do you like to go with the flow? Or are you the kind of person that likes to plan ahead and think of every possible detail and then follow the plan through?
I am certainly one of the people who like to plan ahead and think of every possible thing that can happen in advance. And when it does not go as planned, I get quite upset. Or I should say I used to get quite upset.
When something does not go to plan our first reaction is often a resistance! We complain, 
blame, criticise, judge, be that the situation or the people. And what happens to us is that we make not the best decisions because we are so agitated and not at peace. The actions that follow these decisions are often not the most healthy actions.
I have used to follow this reactivity pattern during most of the days! And then beat myself up for making those silly decisions and taking those actions. It did not seem like a very peaceful or productive way of dealing with unexpected situations.
I was on the look out for a “technique” that would help me be more effective when something does not go to plan.
And I found something that works wonders practically every time I follow these steps.
When something does not go to plan:
1. Make requests instead of complaining!! (This alone will turn the unwelcome frustrating situation into a more peaceful one).
By making requests you move away from blaming, complaining, criticising and judging.
Leave aside all that blaming and complaining: “She said this, and he did this, and now I am stuck with two sick children at home without any food, and this is when I need to get so much work done for my job etc etc”. Drop your “story”.
2. Feel the feeling. If the situation is hurtful or otherwise emotionally charged feel the feeling without telling yourself the story that comes with it.
When you leave the blaming and complaining aside, the only thing that is left is a pure feeling within you. Focus on it. Where does it feel most uncomfortable: in your stomach, in your throat, do you feel like you head is about to explode, or do you feel like throwing up from all that frustration? Focus on the inside of our body.
Feel that feeling fully – we often deny ourself the feeling within our bodies and focus on our drama and our “story” instead”.
Then, let go of that feeling.
3. Accept the situation fully – it is what it is! This can be done by taking a few quite moments if possible to look at the facts of the situation. And they are always neutral. It is our blaming, complaining and whining that adds drama to it. Step out of your drama and look at the fact. You can even make a mental list of them. Ask yourself a question (that I’ve learned from the Work of Byron Katie): “What the situation would be without my story?”
4. Start thinking of a solution based on the dry facts of the situation. Or simply watch how the healthy and peaceful solutions come into your head 🙂 There IS always a solution, once we accept the situation for what it is.
I have recently become very interested in this concept of acceptance of what is. (I even wrote a few blog posts that fall into the category of acceptance, e.g. my blog post on heavy snow falls back in December 2010). It seems now that earlier in my life I have actively resisted this concept of acceptance. Mainly because it was presented to me as a religious dogma or by well-wishing parents and teachers who wanted me to follow their agenda.
Most recently though I had a fresh look at this concept mainly through the books by Eckhart Tolle (The power of now and A new earth) and the youtube videos about the Work of Byron Katie (this part 1 and part 2 is one of my favourites).
And now that I have embraced this concept of accepting what is, I see it is doing wonders to my productivity and effectiveness.
During this week, one day I planned to go to work twice to get few urgent and important things sorted, although it was a non-working day. I got very disappointed when I realised I cannot do this, because my husband needed time to himself and I would need to have our two children with me. As we did not have a car (our old one went to scrap last week and we have not bought a new one yet) everything seemed so much more complicated. My first temptation was to panic, blame and complain.
But then I set down quietly (as much as it is possible with our two energetic boys running around and demanding attention) and felt the situation completely accepting it. After a few content minutes, out of nowhere solutions started to form in my head.
I managed to do all the things I intended but differently to how I have planned it. AND I spent wonderful and connected time with my children while doing it. 🙂
What are YOU resisting in your life right now?
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