March is International Women’s Month! Congratulations to all the women. Many inspirational and interesting articles and videos have been shared throughout this month. And today, on the last day of March I wanted to share with you some of my thoughts on this…
I have always felt conflicted about this day because I grew up in the Soviet Union, where on International Women’s Day every women was given a flower and told she is loved, she is appreciated, she is beautiful… Then we just continued as normal! When I moved to the West, to Germany and then UK, it’s a completely different energy! International Women’s Month is more about women uniting and fighting for equality and women’s rights. Today, I want to appreciate everything that women fought for and are still fighting for. It is very important that we have equal pay. I appreciate what other women are doing for this cause.
For me, fighting it not my thing. I am doing something different for each woman. I have been working here at Productivity for Scientists for over 10 years now: helping women to feel better, to create a better work-life balance, to set boundaries. To start to please other people less, and instead to work on feeling happier, feeling balanced, and feeling more fulfilled. I want to help you to feel like you are the goddess of your life! To feel like you are the queen of your life! (Choose whichever resonates with you.) This is what I want to talk about today.
Becoming the goddess
The first questions I want to ask you are: How would it feel to be the goddess of your life? How would it feel being the queen of your life? What does it even mean? Think about it for a minute. How would your life proceed? How would you feel throughout the day? What would you do if you were the goddess of your life?
The next question I’d like to ask you: What would it take for you to be the goddess of your life? What would you need to change?
I feel so passionate about working with women to inspire them to do this work, because the other work that is done to fight for our rights as women may take a while to create change. It may take a while for governments to pass new laws or to realise certain things aren’t right. Yet on an individual level, by asking yourself these questions, there are things that you can change today! You can start feeling different. You can start feeling better within the next couple of weeks. Within the next couple of months. It starts now.
So, today I want to give you a few strategies for how to feel more in charge of your life: for how to feel like a goddess – whatever that means to you.
Doing it our way
To begin with, let’s consider: What ruins this feeling? What makes us feel like we are somehow inferior? It’s because we are compared. We are constantly compared to men! To me, even the term “equality” suggests that I somehow need to measure up to a man, and this is why I like this different approach of feeling like a goddess, because there I don’t need to be compared to men. I have my own contribution to this world, which is not comparable.
I want to do things differently to men – not necessarily equal to them! For example, I think of war as mainly men’s activity and I don’t want to be equal to them in that and go to war as they do. I think we women can contribute to conflict resolution in a different way. We have our own feminine energy, own feminine view or approach, so let’s tap into this. Maybe we are going to run companies differently! Or maybe even running countries differently! So many country leaders are men. We have only a few exceptions. As women, if we do rise through these ranks, let’s do it differently! Let’s do it like a goddess. Let’s do it like a queen. Like a queen of your own life. …So what would that mean?
Acknowledge what you do
There are a few approaches, a few inspirations, that you could start applying today. First comes from acknowledging your own time, acknowledging your own energy and how much you do. We often feel frustrated with other people not acknowledging us when we contribute so much. Maybe not even paying us enough. I want you to start with you acknowledging how much you do.
I work with a lot of women scientists who are mothers as well and when they come to the call they share how much they’ve done for the science, or even on some other projects, and I say, “Well how much have you done as a mother?” This is not acknowledged. As soon as you put your child into childcare, you pay a lot of money to the carer, but you as a mother, you are not really paid for raising your child and this labour somehow goes straight under the radar. If you are breastfeeding, if you are cooking, doing all the logistics, you’re doing all the children’s healthcare, you’re doing all the extra education, going with them to classes and reading up so much. This is like the equivalent of three full-time jobs! I want you to start acknowledging it! Write it all down. Share with your peers. We do this constantly in my groups.
If you’re not a mum, that doesn’t matter. Still, acknowledge how much you do. Start giving it value. If other people are not doing it just now – if the government and society’s not doing it – give it value yourself! With time they will catch up. Don’t worry! But for now, you need to give it value. This is going to raise your confidence. It’s going to raise how you feel. How you walk around, knowing that you do a lot. Knowing that you’re giving it value, you’re appreciating it, and that you can leave other people to catch up.
…And they will catch up! Many clients have shared with me that as soon as they started acknowledging and appreciating what they do, other people started to catch up. They would get a pay rise. They would get appreciation from their boss. If we start appreciating ourselves, other people will start following.
Stop “people pleasing”
The next strategy is around our tendency as women to please others. We can talk a lot about where it comes from or why we do it, but we do it! We try to please others one way or the other. Maybe because of how we were raised; because of this collective consciousness of women constantly trying to please others and worrying about what other people think about us. I want you to start becoming conscious of that. When are you doing something to please others? When are you doing something and worrying: ‘Are they going to like it?’? This is affecting how you do things! It’s slowing you down! I’ve been communicating with men with curiosity to really see how they do things… and they do things completely differently! They don’t worry about what other people think. They don’t worry how it’s going to be perceived. They just do it! This is something we can learn. This skill can be very very powerful and useful for us.
This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t care about anyone. Be considered, of course! But you are already considered. You are already caring. Now learn to really be aware of when you start trying to please others. Try and start pleasing less! Start to be more clear on what it is that you actually want to achieve – be it your contribution to your work, to this world, to your family. What is it? Decide and then start focusing on this. Start directing your attention and energy into that. You will see how your results change, how your productivity changes, how your fulfilment changes – because you’re focusing more on what is important to you.
That means you’re going to set more boundaries. You’re going to say no to more things, because you’re going to say yes to what’s important to you.
So, these are the three strategies for today:
1) Ask yourself: How is it going to feel if you are the goddess of your life? What does that mean to you? And what is it going to take for you to feel that?
2) Start acknowledging what you do. Start appreciating, before other people start doing this. Do it in writing. And share it! (This is why I create these groups for women scientists, because it’s weird if you knock on your neighbour’s door and say “I’ve done this, this and that!” That’s why I say to write it down on a piece of paper and be part of a group of like-minded people, you can share with. If this post speaks to you, reach out to me and become part of one of the groups that I lead. We celebrate every time!)
3) Become aware when you’re pleasing others. Then set more boundaries. Say no to things that are not in alignment with your priorities. Get more and more clear on your priorities. On your vision. On the things you want to achieve.
I can honestly say that I feel like the goddess of my life!
In every one of my cells, I feel it!
…Do I always feel like this? No. And that’s okay. If it’s more than 50% of your time that you feel like this, that’s already good. That’s already the predominant feeling of your life. That’s enough for things to start to happen! For me nowadays, I often feel that I am treated like a queen. ….Yet I was not born like this! Most of my life I felt like “I really suck at life!” and my predominant thought was “What’s wrong with me?” The strategies I have shared here have helped me to build a better life, bit by bit. I’ve envisioned it. I’ve worked towards it. I’ve achieved it. I hope that this inspires you to believe that you can have it as well. That you can become the queen of your own life.
If you want support in shifting towards feeling like the queen of your life, I’d invite you to check out my new GOLD group coaching programme. I will be working closely with 6 ladies for the next 4 months (April-July 2021), focusing on creating transformation – from overwhelm to productivity and feeling more in charge! If you are interested, please book a free private Skype call with me to discuss your situation, challenges, and how this GOLD group coaching programme can help you: www.tinyurl.com/speaktoolga.
Speaking as one goddess to another goddess, I wish you all the best.
Happy accomplishing!
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